By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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