It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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