i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just pee around me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
