too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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