Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
