that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
