Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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