Are we in a gay sports bar?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
