She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
