This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
