My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
