a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
