Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize