I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
