He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
