Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
