I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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