Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
