yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
