I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
