Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
