I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
