I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
