I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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