going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize