The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
