I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
