yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
