you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
