anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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