I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
