It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
