Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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