I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
