you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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