There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
