shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
