This is not my ceiling
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
