let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize