Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
