Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
