I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
