I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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