So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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