please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
