WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
