All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
