Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
