if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
