butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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