shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
