i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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