Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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