I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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