How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Randomize