You smell like a Billy Joel song
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize