If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize