please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
