K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
