The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
