we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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