guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
