he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
