yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
