I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
