then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's blow job season.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
