did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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