I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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