I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
