I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
